just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
