It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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