Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
