I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize