I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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