He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
