I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
