im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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