Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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