He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
