glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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