I'm going to jail i love you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
