Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
