I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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