My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
