I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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