Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She needs sedatives and a leash
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
