Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
