i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
as a side note pls kill me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
