Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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