areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
