new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
