Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
