He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
