Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
