I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
