I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize