Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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