Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
