Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
