The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
