well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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