ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
