If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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