Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
