i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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