Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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