he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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