i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
