YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
