I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
