No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
