My balls are so social today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
