You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
