So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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