She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
