Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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