I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
