My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
