hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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