note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
