i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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