It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to make out with him forever
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
