I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize