im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
