Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
