I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
