he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
