I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
