i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
