so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
