Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
