hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
