Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
