I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
one might say we're banned from that church
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
