naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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