I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
