pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
