i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
