May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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